I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
