I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
