I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
