So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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