That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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