Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
