glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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