It's Friday. Sex?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
