I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
