i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
