Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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