im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
