I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
