No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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