I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think people are normalizing furries
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
