i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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