if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
