I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
