this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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