hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
