First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
