Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
