Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
