I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
