i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
