dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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