After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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