I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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