My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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