This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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