if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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