Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
