do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
