haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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