i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
