You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
