no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
