sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
