i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
