My sheets look like a crime scene.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
