if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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