Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
