so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
