Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
