yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
