I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
