I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
