No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize