Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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