You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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