Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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