i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
