Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
