If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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