Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
