Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I've blown a few things in my day
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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