im six kinds of drunk right now
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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