i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
