This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
