grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
