You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
