so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Blow job season was short but glorious.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
