she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
