Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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