Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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