forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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