i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
