Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
