Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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