The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
