ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
