i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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