So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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