It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
His nipple licking is glorious
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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