I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
