Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He shit in the fireplace
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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