I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Girls should come with a carfax report
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My dick has a subreddit
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
