Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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