So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
