I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
