My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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