I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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