Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
