I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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