maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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