I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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