its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
