Don't make out with my wife yet
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
And the cops told us we were all naked.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When did angry sex become our thing?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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