I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
