One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
