The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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