just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
