Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
