i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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