ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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