her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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