you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
