I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
