the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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