I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize