Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I AM VODKA MAN
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
