is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
