I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
