I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
