I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
