i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
