I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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