$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
