did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize