You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Panties = found
Randomize
