We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
