Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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