careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
