I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
