took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize