He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
