her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
