Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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