theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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